One Saturday afternoon I was bored. Then I remembered that when I stopped at the feed mill for cattle salt blocks on Monday, I over heard someone saying there was a big auction planned over at Junior Watson’s place. But I was not sure of the address. I called Dad to ask him and, of course, Mom answered the phone.
I asked was Dad around. She proceeded to tell me he was very round. Darn near as round as he is tall.
No, Mom, I want to know if he is there so I can talk to him.
Yes, he is out in back yard cooking greens over a fire pit. He wanted to cook them in the house but ain’t no way I am letting him use my good cooking pans for them nasty things. On top of that, the last time he cooked greens in the house, it was eight months before I could get the smell out of the house.
Mom, that was because in was in the February and the next day it snowed and turned super cold. Then it stayed cold until like the end of April so the house was closed up and could not air out. And that was only three months not eight months.
It was not cold that year until the end of April, I remember it well. It warmed up in time for Easter, which was April 4th that year. I remember it because I bought a new dress to wear to church but was afraid it would not be warm enough but it was warm enough and so it was not the end of April when it warmed up it, it was the first week.
Okay Mom, whatever. Can I talk to Dad? I have a question for him.
Don’t you dare, ‘Whatever, Mom’ to me. I know what happened, I remember it like it was last week.
Really, you memory is so good you remember dates from about 4 years ago but you forgot your granddaughter’s birthday last month and never picked her up a present??
I did NOT forget her birthday, I wanted to wait to see what everyone else got her so I could get her something different. Something better. I never forget anyone’s birthday.
You forgot mine!!! It was two weeks after my 16th birthday and you finally made me a cake.
I did not forget your birthday, I was waiting until I went to the Danner’s Discount Home, Yard, Garden and Dry Goods Department Store for cake mix because I didn’t have any.
You also forgot you always make me an apple pie because I prefer pie and not cake. You had not made me a cake since my 8th birthday. And then, you made me a chocolate cake and you know I don’t like chocolate cake. Which is why I always requested apple pie.
I was going to make you a pie but I didn’t have any self-rising flour, I only had all purpose flour and two packs of yeast but I did not want to use my yeast because I want to keep it in case I wanted to make something that requires yeast. If I had used the yeast for your pie, I would not have any left over if I decided to bake something else.
Could you have made the pie and the next time you were at the store bought more yeast?
What if I forgot to buy more yeast. Then I would still be out. You know I like to be prepared.
Wait, you don’t use yeast in pie crust.
Well I use yeast in mine. You would not know how I make anything, you have never been in the kitchen when I was cooking.
You taught your own daughter in law how to make pie and I know she does not use yeast because I have helped her.
Well, if she is not using yeast she is not using my recipe. And if she is not going to use the recipes I give her, I will not even bother to write them down for her in the future.
Ok Mom, can you please call Dad to the phone so I can ask him about Junior Watson’s farm auction?
Okay, let me see if he knows about any auction.
While waiting for Dad, I realized I was less interested in the auction than I was for some pain pills for a headache.
Yeah, what you wantin’ to know about an auction at Old Man Goss’ place. There ain’t no auction that I know of happening there.
No, not the Goss farm, Junior Watson’s farm. They were talking about it at the mill when I picked up salt blocks on Monday.
You bought more salt blocks? You just bought salt blocks last month when with I was with you.
No, when you were with me, I bought four bags of chicken feed.
You sure about that? I was certain you bought salt blocks that day.
No, I bought chicken feed because we were out and I was informed by my bride that I had two choices, go back to town and buy chicken feed or plan on sleeping in the chicken house. Chicken feed comes in 30 pound brown paper bags and salt blocks are white ten pound square blocks. Which is why they are called blocks. They are kind of easy to tell the difference by looking at them.
My patience was starting to wane.
I know what salt blocks look like. But if you are sure it was chicken feed we bought that day, I will not argue with you but I still think it was salt blocks.
Can we get back to Junior Watson’s farm auction? I don’t know the address. Do you know it?
Did you try calling Venice? If there is an auction I think he would be the auctioneer.
I called Venice but I guess he had already left because there was no answer.
Really, I wonder why he left so early.
I don’t know, maybe he needed chicken feed.
I didn’t know he even had chickens. Why would he want chicken feed if he doesn’t have any chickens.
I don’t know, I will ask him when I see him at the auction, if I ever get the address and can make it there.
Yeah, you ask him. Because if he has eggs Mom might want to buy some good farm eggs. I hate them yellow yoke store bought ones she keeps buying.
We have chickens. Remember you were with me when I bought chicken feed!!! And Mom said she didn’t want to buy eggs from us, we should give them for free and if they were not free, she would buy them from the store. Our eggs are free, we just charge a dime if she doesn’t have her own cartons.
Does your Mom know you will give her eggs if she brings her own cartons?
Yes, she knows I will give her eggs.
Well, if she can get farm eggs from you, why does she buy them at store?
I don’t know, you will have to ask her.
Okay, I will. Talk to you later.
And with that, he hung up the phone
I stood there staring at the now dead phone. I still did not have the address but I did have a mild headache
Two minutes later the phone rang and I answered it
It was Dad.
While I was dealing with you, the darn dogs ate all my greens.
Are you sure the dogs ate them? Why would dogs eat cooked greens?
Because they are good eats, that is why. They ate them all, nothing left in the pan. Not even one fixing for my supper tonight.
Again, I have trouble believing the dogs ate the greens. Are you sure they didn’t bury the smelly things?
No, I am telling you – them dogs ate the greens.
Don’t you feed them anything?? I can buy dog food if you want me to.
No, them dogs got plenty of food. I picked up a new 50 pound bag on Tuesday at the co-op feed mill.
Which Tuesday? This week’s Tuesday or the second Tuesday of the week for five weeks ago?
There ain’t two Tuesdays in a week. It was Tuesday, six days ago.
Today is Saturday. Six days ago was Sunday and the mill is closed on Sundays.
Gosh darn it, you know what I mean!!! I know it was Tuesday because I was talking to Billy Joe Johnson about his tractor catching his barn on fire and by the time the fire department got there the barn was nothing but ashes.
Billy Joe Johnson’s barn did not burn down – that was Randy Miller’s barn that burned. Billy Joe is the one that took the keys to the firetruck home with him. They always leave the keys in the ignition so who ever arrived first could drive the truck. But he put them in his pocket, went to the house. JennieAnne washed the keys because she refuses to check his pockets. When the keys were washed, the paper tag saying they where for the fire truck was destroyed. Since they didn’t know what the keys were for, they threw them in the kitchen junk drawer. But when the call came in for the fire, they had to wait for Billy Joe to arrive with the keys before they could leave to try and put the fire out. Then it was another five minutes while they argued over who’s turn it was to drive. Finally when Al Messemer arrived, he grabbed the keys and drove anyway.
Are you positive it was Randy’s barn that burned?
Yes I am positive. He lives a mile from me and I drive buy his place like 20 times a week. And the barn burned down three weeks ago.
You drive buy his house 20 times a week? No wonder you never get anything done, you are just driving up and down the road all the time. Have you ever consider you should spend more time farming and less time driving around?
His house is between our house and work. So I have to drive past it to get to work and back home again. Plus, after I get to the house and change clothes, I may have to back to the old homestead’s south and east pastures to check on the cows and the fence. The pastures are also on the other side of Randy’s place.
Well, I guess that makes sense.
Okay, while I have you on the phone, do you know the address of Junior Watson’s farm for the auction?
Which Junior you talking about?
Which Junior Watson? I thought there was only one? Like a Junior Watson and a Senior Watson.
No, no, no. There is the Junior Watson that lives on Turkey Neck Road, plus his cousin over on Morgan Road coming out of Monroeville. I think there is also a Junior Watson, but he may not even be related, but he is out in Owen County on Bass Lake. But I don’t think he has a farm, just a little cabin on the lake. And then I think there maybe a Junior Watson down in Washington County. He might have a big spread. But not sure where it is. I know we were down there coon hunting but we were pretty drunk, so I couldn’t tell you how to find it. It took us 3 hours driving up and down back roads until we finally just parked and let the dogs loose. Not even sure it was his place now that I think about it.
That is okay, don’t worry about it. I think I will just skip the auction after all.
Well, are you sure? I can call and see if I can get the address for you.
No we are good. And by the way, there is no Monroeville, there is however, a Monroe Road that goes northeast out of Morganville.
Well that is what I said, Monroe Road a ways out from Morganville. I swear, you don’t even pay attention.
You are right, I don’t listen, Well, I have to go, I think the chickens need hay and the cows need chicken feed.
I hung up before Dad could reply.
The phone started to ring immediately – I knew it was him. I was not about to answer it, I left the house with the dogs in tow heading for pasture to walk the fence looking for gaps.
I never did make it to the auction.